34 weeks pregnant

How far along are you? 35 weeks tomorrow (2/28/13)

Total weight gain:  15 pounds

Maternity clothes:  No just sweats, jammies, and leggings.

Stretch Marks:  Yup found a new one this wk... oh well ill never have a cute body again but ill have some cute babies instead!

Sleep:  sucks! my hips hurt so damn bad and now its my lower back. I barely can turn over with it struggling. I guess I better get used to no sleep because soon my life will never consist of sleep!

Best moment of this week:  This has been a hell week, but in the midst of it all I got to get an ultra sound of my sweet baby girl who is growing well and actually measured a little big.

Miss anything?  I miss feeling good and not waddling when I walk. I have always had bad hip pain and joint pain...but its gotten way worse with the pregnancy.. hoping to God this pregnancy and the stress doesn't throw my body into RA.  My mom has Rheumatoid arthritis was diagnosed when she was 19 and if I have it, it might not show up until after pregnancy ... so just always in the back of my mind when my joints hurt and my immune system becomes so low and I have been sick non stop for the last 9 months.

Food Cravings? I have been craving junk which I have to stop! I crave Lucky Charms all the time! and one new one which I totally not me is MOUNTAIN DEW!! I haven't drank that crap since high school and I have been craving the crap out of it!

Gender: Girl.

Any Labor signs?  Lots of Braxton hicks and lower menstrual like back pain... and tons of pressure.. but im sure im good .

Symptoms: heart burn is back. just mood swings, a litte depression.... but that's just due to the hormones and just if you truly know me .. its been rough lately.

Belly button IN or OUT?  IN just a little flat still.

Happy or Moody? just been a hard week, my poor momma who has been through hell and back in life is in the ICU fighting pneumonia and sepsis... also they found she had a mild heart attack.... love that little fighter !  also lee has a nasty stomach bug and im praying I don't get it now.. when it rains it pours.

31 weeks pregnant

How far along are you?  31 weeks

Total weight gain:  14 pounds.  Really growing now!

Maternity clothes:  No just sweats, jammies, and leggings.

Stretch Marks:  No, just same old ones from lee.

Sleep:  ohh sleep has been on and off.  The heartburn has gotten a lot better since I am now taking Prevacid so that's awesome!  I now am getting the worst hot flashes and night sweats! I get so so so hot at night and sleep with two fans! Im blaming it on the preggo hormones and the progesterone shots I now get once a week.. I am just loaded up with hormones. The shots hurt super bad after and my hips are very very sore so its hard to get comfortable now as well. so Sleep is rough.

Best moment of this week:  To be honest this has been a rough time.. but the best part about being on bed rest is getting to calm down, take a break and relax and not feel a damn bit of guilt for it.  Which means more quality time with my best friend in the entire world.. my Landon Lee.  We snuggle from the second he walks in the door from school and we do puzzles in his room and he"reads" me stories and watch movies.  It has been nice not working 10 hour days and rushing around like a crazy person when we get home from school/work to get everything done and stick to our week night schedule. 

Miss anything?  not so much that I miss anything but I am pretty emotional and just tired, tired of being sore and uncomfortable, tired of beign sick constantly with sinus problems, tired of not being able to sleep or get comfy or go anywhere or drive a car.. sorry im obviously in a shitty mood today.

Food Cravings: NONE, I literally have to force myself to eat anything these days.

Gender: Girl.

Any Labor signs?  yes, obviously! I am on bed rest due to preterm labor & a short cervix (incompetent cervix).  I still get contractions occasionally but nothing to crazy. I do get bad bad pressure and sharp pains if I stand up for more then 10 minutes so that sucks ass.! I am on Procardia every 4 hours to keep those at bay.  I did try to come off that a little due to it dropping my BP down to 88/50 and I did well for two days without it and then suddenly I had a 3 really big contractions and decided to take my dose again.  Also last night I suddenly had a weird feeling and I was just sitting down and I got dizzy and felt weird.. it didn't go away so I checked my bP and it was 155/91 which is crazy crazy high!! Heart rate was 103.... so I took one of my procardias and thankfully 3 hours later it was down to 96/74 but it did take a while and I felt horrible! it scared me because the last thing I need to pre eclampsia!! I'm praying I don't get another spike like that again but will for sure be calling my Dr if it happens again. I go to appts every Monday now and every Tuesday for my shot so Ill be mentioning it to her as well there.

Symptoms:   Same stuff iv already mentioned.  exhaustion, few headaches are back but I'm thinking that's due to my blood pressure issues.

Belly button IN or OUT?  IN just a little flat still.

Happy or Moody?

 I have become an emotional sad mess some days.  I swear its the Progesterone shots I am getting on top of the pregnancy hormones.  Progesterone is a pretty shitty hormone and makes people crazy lol  I am just overwhelmed with trying to figure out how I can support my kids and myself when I cant work now and wont for months to come and its all on me to provide whatever sh needs... Yes I am having a baby shower so Thank God for that! but there will still be things I need to buy, and I have NO income. so that stresses me out a lot.  but It all has to work out some way some how right?   just feeling really alone lately and I hate that feeling. I feel like I didn't make this baby by myself but yet I'm the only one having take responsibility and having consequences for my bad choices. sounds blunt but I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks especially if you have NO clue what your talking about or anything about my personal situation.  see there are those HORMONES haha! anyways ya so that's it for this little update... make sure you follow my blog its on the left hand side!

29 weeks preggo and on bed rest for a while

hey guys, well I will be 30 weeks tomorrow (01/24/2013).  The beginning of 29 weeks started out a little rough for sure.  On Friday the 18th I was at work and just didn't feel right.  I kept having to run and pee and felt a lot of pressure.  I let it go on for a while then I started to get contractions and they were getting pretty uncomfortable.  I finally decided to call my dr and she told me to just go ahead and go to labor & deliver triage and get checked out to be safe.  Once I got to triage I was contracting pretty much every 2 minutes and was dialted 2cm and 50%.  They then decided to do an untrasound (a biophysical profile) and to measure my actual cervical length. Now this is where this main issue is, my cervical length NOT the dialating because lets be real here many women begin to dialate early and walk around like that and don't even know it. But when your cervix is to short or begins to shorten to early during the pregnancy then you have to be super careful and gravity becomes your enemy.  I am fortunate now that its happening now and not earlier in the pregnancy. Many women lose babies in the second trimester from this (an incompetent cervix) and cant ever carry full term.  For me having the contractions (pre term labor) is just another risk factor that isn't helping the situation.  If my cervix gets to short ill be admitted again on bed rest until 36 weeks.  As of now I am home with my sweet little boy and My dad has been taking him to and from school for me since I am unable to drive.  That is a nice help. I am still taking my Procardia which is a Blood Pressure med but is used for preterm labor because it helps relax the uterus and calm down contractions.  This med sucks and lowers my BP super low so im feeling like crap and super tired.  I also will be getting progesterone shots once a week now until 36 wks, as if im not already a hormonal emotional mess lets just throw some more in there lol!! I also have received two steroid rounds which help her develop her lungs a little faster JUST in CASE miss ellie cant hang in there until 36 wks and decided to come early.  Right now im taking it one day at a time and doctors have my goal week as 32 weeks right now.  The longer she stays in the healthier she will be.  So that's basically the facts and update for now. I am feeling so blessed to be home in my own bed and with my sweet boy and as of now my sweet girl is as healthy as can be and has a load of hair ; ) 

28 weeks & 4 days preggo!

How far along are you?   28 weeks & 4 days :)

Total weight gain?  7lbs... just had my 28 week apt today and looks like I gained 2 more pounds since my last appt. I am super happy about that, and my tummy is measuring great so that hopefully means miss Ellie Belly is growing well too.

Maternity Clothes?  No, I basically still live in scrubs for work and sweat pants.  I did buy some new jeggings from American Eagle the other day because they were on sale and I just use my Bella Band when I wear those and leave the top unbuttoned.

Stretch Marks?  No new ones just the same one I have had from Landon on my hips...uck

Sleep?  Sleep actually has been great! NO heartburn at all this week, gosh I hope I'm not jinxing myself.  I have been having some crazy crazy dreams though.  I also am way more exhausted then I usually am and by the time I get home from work and get Landon his dinner made and tubby time and Jammie's on, I am just physically done for.

Best moment this week?  This week has been somewhat uneventful, I had a rough week at work it was insane!  I have to say the best moment was being able to get some things organized and clean out Landon's closet and my closet.  I made Landon a big toy closet and he I super excited about it.  Oh lordy lou I am one boring person if organizing was the highlight of my life this week.....

Miss anything?  hmmmm I miss being able to have  a glass of wine here and there that's for sure...and I have been craving sushi sooo bad lately. Once again I miss being able to bend down and walk for more then 10 minutes and not feel like this baby is coming out lol

Food Cravings?  still craving those iced coffees! oh and smoothies... I have stocked up on smoothie making ingredients and look forward to my morning smoothie everyday :)

Anything Making you Queasy?  Nope not really.

Gender?  GirL

Any Labor Signs?  Nope not yet. She still has a while to cook.  I do get Braxton hicks occasionally but nothing that I would be concerned about.

Symptoms?  Just very easily fatigued and the breathlessness has gotten so much worse but I'm assuming it will be like this until she gets here. 

Belly button IN or OUT?  Flat

Happy OR Moody?  Honestly I am feeling good, , I hate my job and would love to get a good LPN job but each day I'm working on thinking positive and I know God has a plan and I just need to trust him right now. But lets be real here I am a single momma to a 3 year old who is 7 months preggo and working 10 hr days in a daycare center with screaming babies all day for minimum wage....sooooo  I mean I do get tired and sore when I get home from work, so my patience wear thin but that's normal when your body is changing so much from week to week and you are growing a human being inside of you lol.  But all in all I'm happy girl and loving every precious moment I get with my sweet Landon just me and him time and I am grateful for this job because Lord knows its better then nothing.

Looking forward to?  I'm looking forward to getting another ultra sound in the next few weeks, I just want to see my sweet girl and know she is growing and healthy :)

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27 Weeks Preggo!

How far along? 

 

27 weeks

 

Total weight gain:

5lbs, yes I know not good.. but I have been very sick from day one.... up until 16 wks I couldn't take a bite of food with out getting sick... then around 22 weeks I had a horrible nasty respiratory virus that kicked my ass then two weeks later I had a nasty stomach bug that lasted a good 3 days before I could eat again. I ended up spending Christmas in the hospital on IV fluids, and IV phenergran as well as having contractions :( hoping to get my weight back up and healthy again.

Maternity clothes?

I basically live in leggings and sweats these days! comfy all the way!

Stretch marks?

I can see a few popping up... I still have the ones on my hips from when I had lee, I seem to grow in my hips.

Sleep:

some nights are better then others. Heartburn creeps its ugly head a lot lately and makes me throw up in the middle of the night and I end up sitting up in bed for hour chomping away on TuMs and watching reading blogs :/  Woke up with my first pregnancy Charlie horse in my leg yesterday whew boy I didn't miss those!!

Best moment this week:

I bought a few baby buys on clearance at target the other day with my aunt. Spent $20 and got like ten outfits for my girl! love targets clearance :)
 
Miss Anything?

 I miss breathing normal and being able to pick my little man up :(

Movement:

still lots of movement.. but I did have a two day period where she scared me a little and wasn't moving barely at all... that's how my preterm labor began with landon lee and it made me a little nervous. She is back to kicking up a storm!

Food cravings:

 Ice Coffee and anything with Cheese.

Anything making you queasy or sick:

eggs... uck!
Gender:

Girl
Labor Signs:

Nope

Symptoms:

lots of pressure at times if I am up walking for long periods or time and just a lot of breathlessness still and having to rest a lot when doing pretty much anything these days.

Belly Button in or out?

IN but starting to get flat.

 Happy or Moody most of the time:

I have my Good days and bad days but I feel like a lot is just due to exhaustion and trying to keep up with landon and working 10 hour days and beating this viruses I have had. I lost my granny this week too and its been a heartbreaking experience for me... so Id say its been somewhat a roller coaster week of emotions but I am hanging in there and still grateful for so much and trying to remain positive about the future. Enjoying every moment.

Looking forward to:

Meeting my sweet baby girl, and just moving forward and healing my soul.

FOlLOw my Blog for weekly updates :)

Surrender

its been awhile since I have been able to blog... I sure need it today.  Yesterday I heard the news of the shootings in Connecticut.  All I wanted to do was leave work and go pick up my sweet baby boy and hold him in my arms.  Just the thought of losing him and living one day without him is unimaginable to me and literally brings me to tears.  This was just another reminder of how precious life is and how I refuse to allow any type of petty negative drama take away from the life of myself and my precious kids.  I am so blessed to have the opportunity to be a mother and I will never take that for granted not for one second.

One thing I would like to discuss is depression and anxiety... That gunman had to have gone through something to make him feel as if his actions were justified in some unimaginable way.  I wish so badly he would have reached out in someway to get help.  This world is a messed up crazy out of control life... but for anyone who has suffered with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts,  or addiction PLEASE know that I know how serious this is and I have walked that path and still struggle daily with these obstacles.  BUT there is HELP and there is HOPE... YOU are in control of your life to a certain extent.  There are people who care and want to help.  So many people get to a point of desperate loneliness and sadness that they just cant climb out of alone. I have been there I know how that feels and it is a gut wrenching overwhelming feeling of pure hopelessness. If you know of anyone who is struggling with this.. be kind, be understanding, and just love and support as much as you can even if you cant possibly find the compassion to understand it just try please.  Your kindness and support could save lives!

This is why  I am slowly thinking of changing my career path and and specializing in addiction as well as family/crisis counseling.  I have walked in places that so many people have no clue about (although it will all be a TV soon lol)  I want to share my story as well as help others grow stronger because of the struggles they face and not let them break them down.  Although I will say it is perfectly ok and healthy to let yourself feel that anger and pain, but don't let it break you, turn it into something positive, let it teach you and motivate you.  It is a lot easier said then done this I know. 

My prayers and Thoughts are with those families who's lives were turned upside down yesterday.

Update

One of my favorite things to do at night is curl up with a nice book and escape OR jump online and read some of the blogs I have followed for years now.  I follow a lot of "mom" blogs as well as beauty or blogs of single moms who share their struggles of day to day life.  I love it because you get a glimpse into other peoples lives and get to learn from these people as well as share your own stories as well. I will link a few that are my faves and are some bigger blogs which means they have over thousands of followers.
  I know this blog has become super personal and almost like my diary in a way BUT to me I feel like a lot of people can relate and sometimes it is nice to feel like you have support and understanding.  I have learned so many lessons lately that I just love sharing in hopes of touching one persons life and helping them in some way.  So if you aren't into the personal aspect of blogs or really into getting to know me as a person then go ahead and ex out now because there will be no judging here :))

So much has been going on so be prepared to skim through this or sit and read an update/vent on how life has been treating Landon and I.  I lost count at how long we have been home from Florida but  I wanna say it has been about a month now.  Settling in back home has been difficult but so smooth as well.  according to a certain someone I didn't give up anything to move to Florida but in reality I gave up a great job that I had here in KY and a decent apartment that I could afford and hey it wasn't perfect or the nicest place ever but it was Landon and Is and I was proud of it.  So coming home and trying to get back on my feet and moving back home with my parents after 3 years was and still is hard to adjust to. Don't get me wrong I am beyond thankful for my parents taking Landon and I in.  My first priority on my list when I got home was to get Landon lee into preschool.  At this point he had been through so much due to the fighting and unstable short life we had in Florida.  School was just what my baby boy needed to start getting into a routine and having structure in his life.  To pay for preschool I had to find a job fast.  As parent I would work anywhere for any amount of money to provide for my child so I took the first job that became available after looking and applying at other positions.  I now am working at a tanning bed and have been able to start Landon into the preschool that I had always wanted him to go to because that is where his Gran taught at and he was familiar with the school and the teachers knew him.  He has NO problem from day one and has been excited everyday for school.  He only goes 4 days a week for 3 hours in the morning so I take and pick him up and around 3 when my dad gets off work I had to work and work until around 10-1030.  This has been working out well and I am slowly but surely saving my pennies and studying my butt off for my LPN (licensed practical nurse) boards so I can hopefully use my degree and find a decent nursing job.  My goal was to head back to school to finish my RN by October but life throws us some curve balls and right now that just is not in the cards for me. 

Emotionally I have been trying hard to stay positive and be patient.  I am not anywhere near where I want to be in life but I keep telling myself baby steps Katherine, baby steps.  I am going through a break up that I never saw coming.  I feel so hurt, betrayed, and completely let down.  It is so hard to understand how we think we know someone and then they turn around and prove you wrong in so many ways.  I think some people have a hard time understanding that words hurt so bad and I have been working on myself and being the best person I can be.  I cant be with  someone who does nothing but tear me down and who repeatedly brings out the worst in me.  I have proved many times I can stand on my own and I don't need a guy in my life and I am more than happy to let that chapter in my life go.  I will not settle ever in life.  I will forgive because I want to let go of the hurt and anger that I have inside of me because the only person that I'm hurting is myself.  So for anyone else which I know some of my dear friends are going through the same similar struggles I am enduring now, just remember that God has a plan for all of us, be sure to always be able to stand on your own and stand up for what YOU believe in. don't ever sacrifice or settle.  Your heart and your happiness has to be important too and don't ever let anyone take that away from you EVER!