Update

One of my favorite things to do at night is curl up with a nice book and escape OR jump online and read some of the blogs I have followed for years now.  I follow a lot of "mom" blogs as well as beauty or blogs of single moms who share their struggles of day to day life.  I love it because you get a glimpse into other peoples lives and get to learn from these people as well as share your own stories as well. I will link a few that are my faves and are some bigger blogs which means they have over thousands of followers.
  I know this blog has become super personal and almost like my diary in a way BUT to me I feel like a lot of people can relate and sometimes it is nice to feel like you have support and understanding.  I have learned so many lessons lately that I just love sharing in hopes of touching one persons life and helping them in some way.  So if you aren't into the personal aspect of blogs or really into getting to know me as a person then go ahead and ex out now because there will be no judging here :))

So much has been going on so be prepared to skim through this or sit and read an update/vent on how life has been treating Landon and I.  I lost count at how long we have been home from Florida but  I wanna say it has been about a month now.  Settling in back home has been difficult but so smooth as well.  according to a certain someone I didn't give up anything to move to Florida but in reality I gave up a great job that I had here in KY and a decent apartment that I could afford and hey it wasn't perfect or the nicest place ever but it was Landon and Is and I was proud of it.  So coming home and trying to get back on my feet and moving back home with my parents after 3 years was and still is hard to adjust to. Don't get me wrong I am beyond thankful for my parents taking Landon and I in.  My first priority on my list when I got home was to get Landon lee into preschool.  At this point he had been through so much due to the fighting and unstable short life we had in Florida.  School was just what my baby boy needed to start getting into a routine and having structure in his life.  To pay for preschool I had to find a job fast.  As parent I would work anywhere for any amount of money to provide for my child so I took the first job that became available after looking and applying at other positions.  I now am working at a tanning bed and have been able to start Landon into the preschool that I had always wanted him to go to because that is where his Gran taught at and he was familiar with the school and the teachers knew him.  He has NO problem from day one and has been excited everyday for school.  He only goes 4 days a week for 3 hours in the morning so I take and pick him up and around 3 when my dad gets off work I had to work and work until around 10-1030.  This has been working out well and I am slowly but surely saving my pennies and studying my butt off for my LPN (licensed practical nurse) boards so I can hopefully use my degree and find a decent nursing job.  My goal was to head back to school to finish my RN by October but life throws us some curve balls and right now that just is not in the cards for me. 

Emotionally I have been trying hard to stay positive and be patient.  I am not anywhere near where I want to be in life but I keep telling myself baby steps Katherine, baby steps.  I am going through a break up that I never saw coming.  I feel so hurt, betrayed, and completely let down.  It is so hard to understand how we think we know someone and then they turn around and prove you wrong in so many ways.  I think some people have a hard time understanding that words hurt so bad and I have been working on myself and being the best person I can be.  I cant be with  someone who does nothing but tear me down and who repeatedly brings out the worst in me.  I have proved many times I can stand on my own and I don't need a guy in my life and I am more than happy to let that chapter in my life go.  I will not settle ever in life.  I will forgive because I want to let go of the hurt and anger that I have inside of me because the only person that I'm hurting is myself.  So for anyone else which I know some of my dear friends are going through the same similar struggles I am enduring now, just remember that God has a plan for all of us, be sure to always be able to stand on your own and stand up for what YOU believe in. don't ever sacrifice or settle.  Your heart and your happiness has to be important too and don't ever let anyone take that away from you EVER!

Self control and self worth

Whew so today has been a rough one! I always seem to be in a blogging mood Wheb I need to vent or explore my feelings in a way. So I am still reading that book I blogged about called "unglued" and boy has it helped me in more way then I ever could have imagined!! I have learned a big lesson this week and that is: I can't control the words or actions people say to me but I can control my reactions towards them. I will give you a couple of raw and honest examples that have happened recently in my life where I have had to dig deep into my heart and pray like crazy for strength to control my reactions. First I got into a serious discussion with someone that i dearly loved and the discussion went into a direction that the other person just could not possibly agree with or understand and when pressuring them to pray to God for guidance and to please do the right thing for their family they got upset to a point where nasty disgraceful words were said to me. Words such as "you are a lazy ass who sits on her ass all day watching tv" "you are nothing you live at home with mommy and daddy!" "I regret ever knowing you!" as listened to these heart breaking words being said to me by someone I once loved and trusted literally took my breath away. I was lost for words and had to literally ball up and cry while my momma just held me telling me I'm loved and it will be ok. The shock wore off and I felt this nasty rage inside me boiling up! I wanted to cry,scream, and hit or do whatever I could to hurt this person for hurting me. But I sat down I prayed like crazy to God askin him please give me strength and love in my heart to let this go and to not sink down to thAt disgraceful level. I took a deep create looked at my precious little boy and and remembered how I would want him to handle a situation as I was in and I wrote back to this person tellin then how hurt abd angry I was and how my heart was shattered by the words they chose I say to me, but tat I would pray for them to find peace with God and their actions and that no matter how hurt I was I would not come back with hurtful words. I'm still devastated but feel good knowing I am not the obe sitting here with regret and guilt in my heart. We can't control others all we can do, but we can control how we respond. Im working on this every single day of my life. I want to be a good person who loves and is loyal and selfless. I refuse to surround myself with abyone who speaks to me like that.

Everyday we run into rude nasty ppl, people who dobt say thank you When you hold the door for them, or people who cut you off on the highway, but at the end of the day everyone is fighting some sort of battle. Just kill them with kindness and be very gentle with your words.. Words can kill, your words could be that last straw for someone or your love abd kindness or a simple how are you, I'm thinking of you could possibly be that one uplifting moment they needed! :)

I encourage everyone struggling with heartbreak, anger, or anxiety to please read the book "unglued" it will honestly change your life and the way you deal and cope everyday