New soul

You know those sayings like ” I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him” or ” Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” or ” You can’t trust anyone”  etc.  Have you ever lived those sayings? I would love to say that I haven’t but I have. It’s a tad bit exhausting… I’m starting to get to that place in life that our parents talk about when we’re kids. The place where we figure out who our real friends are. You know, the kind of friends that drive an hour to bring you tea if you’re sick. Or the friend that you know you’re gonna call when you discover your first grey hair. The one you cry with and laugh with and yell at. All of the above and more.  It is sincerely hard to find friends like that but I can honestly say that I can count mine on one hand. To live life with someone is a big deal. They see the best and worst sides of you. and I mean the WORST sides of you. Not the pretty ones where you cry in front of the mirror to make sure you still look good when they’re trying to console you.. The sides where you’re so broken that a mirror is the least of your worries…The running mascara/puffy cheeks from crying side . The hung over/guilty/immature side. The over emotional/get out of my face/I hate you side. It is rare to find a friend that will stick with you through those ugly times. I know that my family will always be there for me.but its always good to have someone outside of that circle. and I’ve narrowed my number down to a couple. It was hard because I found myself saying ” Well, I think this person would probably maybe stop what they’re doing to help me if my car broke down… if they were less than 10 minutes away..and I gave them gas money…and apologized the whole way home… and maybe i’d buy them dinner to say thank you.”  Nope. The thought should have been ” This person would pick me up if my car broke down.” Bam. Solid thought. No expectations or apologies. ( even though I would still apologize because I apologize about everything. And pay for gas too….but that’s beside the point.)  Find out who your true friends are. However old you are. Peer pressure is a real thing at any age. I’m  22 and still go through it. A real friend cares about you. Your heart. Your mind and your soul. They don’t make fun of your beliefs even if they believe something different. They respect you and the decisions you make but will still make sure they tell you their thoughts on them. They pick you up if you are completely stranded, even if they are on a date. They don’t expect anything from you. They will always tell you the truth. Don’t get lost in pleasing other people. I will tell you from experience that it gets you nowhere. You run in what i call ” The Pleasing People Circle”. It’s a never ending unhappy circle. You are never satisfied. You can never leave the circle because it feels like if you stop running in it everyone will end up hating you. Like a wheel,  you’re the rat in the cage, running and running and running while the world looks in and just smiles. You don’t want it. I promise you. Stop running the wheel. The circle. The person with the painted smile… Find the ones that love you for who you are and accept your family because they last longer than anything else. Enjoy life. It’s too short to flip about the small things. I love you…whoever you are. xoxo